A Poem

I wrote this a few years ago and posted it on my old blog. I was thinking about it again today, so I decided to resurrect it.

He

He is tall and strong

Pure integrity

Selfless nobility abounding

Clear, free voice resounding

Standing between the dark and the darkened

Enlightening

Hope for the hopefull

 

Me

I am in distress

Pure calamity

Weak and dirty

Selfish mobility; always running

Lying in front of death

Beaten

Always falling, never standing

 

She

She is beautiful

Perfect innocence

A soft song rising

Stunning eyes, blue and viewing

Me bleeding

But seeing Him

Fighting, freeing, living

 

My Favorite Things of 2010: Part 1 (TV and Movies)

Yearly recaps are all the rage in the blogosphere, and while I’m a little behind the curve, I wanted to get mine out there before it was too late. But, what to write about? Movies? Yeah, that’s a good idea. Books? Hmmm, that’s good too. What about TV shows? Yes.

Hmmm, since I don’t want to write separate posts for all of those, and because there are some things I read or watched in 2010 that did not necessarily arrive or premier in 2010, the following are simply my favorite things that I experienced last year.

One last note before we dive in: it would be far too stressful for me to rank these things according to importance or impact, so they are in no particular order.

TV Shows

I really love well-written, character-driven television shows. I’m also a sucker for those sitcom love stories that drag out through the course of the show’s run on TV, even though you know all along what’s going to happen (i.e., Ross and Rachel).

One show that seems to engender all of my favorite things (science-fiction, humor, the afore-mentioned type of love story, and just sheer awesomeness) is Fringe. The crazy X-files-like plot lines are awesome, but I was really captured by the humorous, and often touching, relationship between the reformed mad scientist, who spent over 15 years in a psychiatric hospital, and his son (portrayed by John Noble and Joshua Jackson, respectively). If you can get best the sheer unrealism of the show (though, a lot of it is based on theoretical scientific study), the dialogue and chemistry between the characters is a lot of fun.

The second TV drama that I have fallen in love with is Mad Men. Donald Draper (played by John Hamm) is an advertising executive on Madison Avenue in the 1960s, and is super-typical of men in that time and profession. In short, he has a wife and kids that he loves, but is helpless to stop himself from being a womanizer. And that is what keeps me watching. Part of me really wants to be as smooth and dashing as Don Draper, but, because I feel connected to the character, I get frustrated with him and want him to start being a good guy. The show is in its fourth season now, and I’m only in the third, so I don’t know as much of Don’s future as some others do, but I remain hopeful for him. By the way, please don’t spoil anything for me if you watch! Thanks.

There are two sitcoms I’ve started watching that I won’t go into detail on, but must certainly be mentioned. The first is Arrested Development. I know that I’m years behind on this, but all the hype about this show is true, and I can’t wait for the movie! The second is 30 Rock. I have just two things to say about this show: Tina Fey is a great writer and Alec Balwin’s one-liners are incredibly hilarious.

Movies

First, let’s start with the comedies. I didn’t see a lot of comedies this year so there was really only one that I feel is worth mentioning. I was very surprised by how funny The Other Guys was. Will Ferrell just seems to have an endless supply of ludicrous and hysterical characters. And, even though I think Mark Wahlberg is a jerk, he was pretty funny in this as well. I wasn’t impressed with Dinner for Schmucks at all, but would still like to see Due Date, Date Night, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Cyrus, It’s Kind of a Funny Story and Morning Glory.

Oh yeah, Easy A, was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I absolutely hated the way it pretended to be deep by constantly referencing The Scarlet Letter. This movie was trash.

On to more serious things: the first movie that comes to mind is The Social Network. Jesse Eisenberg was just amazing as Mark Zuckerberg, and I thought Andrew Garfield was nearly as good as his betrayed friend Eduardo Saverin. I was quite taken with the quick, witty dialogue as well as the drama within the story.

Enough has been written about Inception, but I will say that I have enjoyed it more each time (3) I’ve watched it.

Possibly my favorite movie of the year came out right at the beginning: The Book of Eli. Denzel Washington is just amazing. The slow, deep, and powerful music helped to setup this incredible tone that fit so well with the post-apocalyptic story line. It’s hard for me to describe this one any further, so just go out and watch it.

I waited for the arrival of Toy Story 3 for years, along with everyone else, and was not disappointed. It perfectly captured the nostalgia that comes when you pack up your old toys to be given away or put in the attic. I’m perfectly willing to admit that my eyes welled up more than once while watching this movie.

The Ghost Writer, a political thriller staring Ewan McGregor and Pierce Brosnon, was another very pleasant surprise. Brosnon plays the former prime minister of England who is wrapped up in some mysterious affairs that the ghostwriter of his autobiography (McGregor) begins to untangle. This movie is worth it for the ending if not for anything else.

Tron reached out and brought me back to three days that stand out in my memory. The day my dad brought home a brand new Super Nintendo and the Christmases on which I received a Playstation and an Xbox. I had forgotten my childhood exhilaration upon receiving, and of course playing, these new video game systems. Tron brought it all back for two glorious hours.

I had one more pleasant surprise in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. I have been generally underwhelmed with the Harry Potter series (though I love the books), but this was different in a very good way. I think the credit for this goes to the division of the story into two movies, which allowed the writers, director, etc. to spend more time on the characters, rather than jumping from one significant happening to the next in order to simply get through it all. I also thought the scene where Harry dances with Hermione in the tent was a brilliant addition that really captured the emotion of the situation.

Honorable mentions: Devil (M. Night Shyamalan) and The Next Three Days (Russel Crowe). These are great movies; I just don’t feel like writing about them.

Still on my list are Black Swan, Rabbit Hole, The Fighter, Red, and Narnia 3

A few other movies that didn’t come out this year, but that I saw and enjoyed are: Trainspotting (McGregor), The Men Who Stare at Goats (McGregor and Clooney) and High Society (Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra). There are probably others, but that’s all I can think of right now. I’ll comment with more if I come up with them.

I also saw The King’s Speech, but it was in 2011, so I don’t know how to count it. Still, this movie was amazing and would most definitely be in contention for my favorite of the year.

Since this has stretched out to be so very long, I’m going to split it into two parts and leave books for part 2.

Dating: Success, Failure and Books

From my first girlfriend up until not too long ago, I viewed dating relationships through the lenses of success and failure, with success being marriage and failure being anything short of that. I may be wrong, but think I this philosophy on dating is pretty common and very natural.

The problem I encountered with this pass-or-fail view of dating was a lot of undue stress. When I sensed that a relationship was on it’s last legs, I did everything I could think of to try to fix it. I took a personality test once that said that my approach to problems can be summed up in the following sentence: “If we could just talk it out, everything will be fine.” I don’t think wanting to solve problems is, in and of itself, a bad thing. I’d certainly rather err on the side of trying than give up as soon as things get rocky. However, when you look at a dating relationship through the lenses of success and failure, you (or at least I) become so emotionally tied to the goal of success that it become impossible to see the relationship (and the other person involved) for what it (or he or she) really is. In fact, I tended to stop seeing the other person involved almost entirely. It became all about not wanting to fail, the result being undue stress, as I mentioned above, on both parties involved.

Don’t get me wrong, dating relationships are bound to include stresses and pains, but the pass-fail view of them makes everything much worse.

I have a very different view of dating relationships now, and I was trying to think of how to explain it properly when the following analogy occurred to me: dating relationships are like books. Some of them are long, drawn out, and boring. Some are just terrible from start to finish, and you might wish you hadn’t read them. Others are sweet with sad endings. But, just because the ending is sad, doesn’t make the book a failure; it did exactly what it was supposed to do. When it’s over, it’s over. It’s an ending, and when the last pages have turned, you move on to another book. Sure, you might go back to it on sad days, re-reading it and reliving some of the original emotions you felt the first time, but it’s not the same because you already know the ending. So far, I’ve read a lot of books that are sweet with sad endings.

I don’t know what it feels like to find the person you know you’ll spend the rest of your life with. I haven’t done it yet. I’d like to think, though, that it’s like my very favorite books. The ones I can’t get enough of because I love and respect the characters and want to keep reading about them. The ones I read over and over again, not wanting the end to come, not because the end is sad, but because it would mean I’d have to stop reading.

If you let your feelings go, dear
It’s scary what you’ll find
I find I’m on your street, dear
And you’re always on my mind

And no one needs to know
That you let me in tonight
That you let me see the world behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

I want to see us work, dear
To reach the other side
My treachery is love, dear
We’re on both ends of the fight

We’re fighting for ourselves
We’re fighting for our lives
Would you let me see the world behind your eyes?
Behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

No one needs to know
How scared we are tonight
Would you let me see the world?
Would you let me see the world? (behind your eyes)
Would you let me see the world behind your eyes?
Behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

-Jon Foreman (Behind Your Eyes)

Noise

Lately, the inside of my head has been very noisy. It feels a little like being at a basketball game. Picture yourself alone in one of these huge echo-y auditoriums. When you shout, you can hear your voice bounce from floor to ceiling and from wall to wall and eventually fade into nothing. Now, add in the basketball players. Your echo at this point is mixed the squeaks of sneakers, the thump thump of heavy footfalls, and the repeated smack of the basketball on the court. Next, incorporate the yelling of the coaches and the blistering whistles of the refs. And, what about the crowd? Your voice no longer rings clearly until enveloped with silence, but it’s lost in the tremendous buzz. It’s become nearly impossible for you to distinguish your own voice, let alone the voice of your friend who’s trying to tell you what he wants from the snack bar.

Noise is filling my head. Some of the noise is made up of voices, some by ideas. Other elements are less concrete, just distracted mental fidgets, daydreams and the like. New information, new noise, is constantly being poured in. One idea gets swallowed by another, and the different voices become entangled with one another. All the while, the daydreams and other mental fidgets create a distracting backdrop.

So, how is it that a person is supposed to divine his or her calling from this mess? I firmly believe there is one voice that’s more important than the rest, but that is being lost in the midst of my mental noise. I have trouble hearing my own will over the inputs of others, and even more trouble separating God’s will for my life from my own. And, here’s what makes this so complicated, input I receive from others is potentially valuable, so I can’t simply disregard it. And, there’s a good chance (nearly 100%) that I would really enjoy what it is that God wants me to do with my life, but not everything I enjoy doing falls within God’s will. And, even more confusing is that while there are definitely right and wrong choices, there is probably more than one of each.

You get all that? Are you stressed now? I am.

So what’s the answer? “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33

It really is that simple. The more that I align myself with His kingdom, the clearer His voice will become, rising above the others. It will require faith, because I can’t simply sit back and watch the show. If I do, I’ll be left behind. To be part of the story, I’ll have to step out into risk, seeing the fall, but trusting that I won’t. And, the beauty of it all is this: seeking God’s kingdom requires the best of me. It takes patience and selflessness. I don’t mean that I need to be perfect to seek, but that in the seeking the best of me will rise to the surface.

 

“Writer’s Block” or “The View”

With my last blog post, my intent was to start blogging regularly again. In the past, I’ve stopped writing predominately out of laziness, filling my time with other, and sometimes pointless, pastimes. In the wake of writing about “The Perfect Girl,” I found myself with new motivation, energy and excitement for writing. Unfortunately, since then, I haven’t felt like I had anything to say. I’m not sure if I would label it writer’s block, un-inspiration or something else, but I’ve simply found myself grasping at straws when it comes to writing.

Even just moments ago, I was thinking “I really don’t have any new struggles, victories, or life-theories on my mind,” these being the usual topics that start my fingers flying around the keyboard. Turning my thoughts to the sports world for ideas (as I sometimes do) hasn’t brought anything to light either. Then, I thought that this experience somewhat mimics my current situation. I don’t mean to say that my life is dry and pointless, just that it feels like I’m in a holding pattern or an in-between.

The word pensive jumps to mind as means of describing how this makes me feel, but that has a negative connotation that doesn’t quite fit. It’s more of a mixture of thoughtfulness, watchfulness, and hopefulness. It has me looking forward to what will come next in my life, though I can’t say what that will or will not be. Some might say I’m discontent, but I don’t think that’s altogether accurate either. I’m really enjoying this station in life, the new friends I’ve made and the roles I find myself filling. I’m learning, growing and maybe even maturing.

It feels a lot like being on the edge of something, like the spot on the mountainside just before you reach that breathtaking view; you can just sense that something is coming, though you don’t know exactly what it will look like.

I’ve only heard about the view, about life, reading about it in books, seeing representations of it in movies, and maybe even hearing of it in a song. There’s so much to come, and not only do I anticipate cresting the ridge and soaking in the view, but I fully intend to walk up to the edge, hold my breath, and step off.

The Perfect Girl

What are you looking for in a girlfriend/wife? What does the perfect girl look like to you? Questions like these are thrown around all the time. I think I’ve answered those questions in a thousand different ways. As I get a little older, though, and see friends of mine getting married, having children, and being adults, I find myself considering that concept a little more seriously.

One thing I’ve learned for sure is not to be too picky. Don’t get me wrong; that’s not a slight on the opposite sex; it’s more about how girls (and people in general) are infinitely deeper and more complex that I had ever thought. I find some qualities attractive now that I had never even considered before.

Realizing my own lack of knowledge of the depth of personality and quality that people possess has lead me to a place where I think I’m more open than ever before, though still trying to balance openness with selectivity. The bottom line, I think, is to just not over think it. So, I’ll try to be content with letting God “wow” me with whomever he has set aside for me.

Still here are a few characteristics that cross my mind:

Brown, blue or green eyes doesn’t matter, just as long as they’re nice. I think eyes are cool.

I used to think I’d only date someone who had a good singing voice, but I don’t care about that now. I’m much more interested in a love for music, lyrics in particular. I want to talk about music and dig through song lyrics forever.

She’d be someone who would watch baseball and Star Trek reruns with me, someone I’d give up baseball for, and someone who wouldn’t make me give up Star Trek reruns.

I think she’d be someone I could sit and read with. I’m pretty extroverted and tend to talk a lot, but I really appreciate the people I can just be with.

Most importantly, she’d be someone I could follow Jesus with: someone who would really challenge me, someone I could grow along with. She’d be someone who would put me second.

And of course, she’d be beautiful.

Expectation My Further Sunny Posts

I know, I know. It’s been ages since I’ve written anything. I have no good excuses, so I won’t bother giving any.

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